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Wall Street Jokes - Late Night Comics
"Earlier this week the Senate voted 97-to-0 for tougher regulations. For example, when corporations buy a senator, they must now get a receipt." Jay Leno
"The economy is in big trouble. Yesterday in a big speech, President Bush said the economy was still getting over the hangover from the 90's. And then, the president admitted he was still getting over his hangover from the 80's." Conan O'Brien
"Boy, another bad day on Wall Street. Things are getting ugly. Dow Jones is starting to look more like Paula Jones." Jay Leno
"President Bush is leaving the White House for a vacation. He's taking a month off. Yeah, take a break, you deserve it. But aides say that while on vacation, Bush will continue to make two or three speeches a week to make sure that the market keeps crashing." Jay Leno
"This might be getting serious. The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vice President Dick Cheney. They'll begin that investigation as soon as Congress finishes investigating the Security and Exchanges Commission." David Letterman
"The big rumor now in Washington is that President Bush is ready to invade Iraq. What we should do is take the CEO's of Enron, WorldCom, and Adelphia, drop them into Iraq and let them have at the infrastructure. Within a few days the country will be ruined." Jay Leno
"President Bush was on Wall Street giving a speech on corporate responsibility. He called for the doubling of punishment for corporate crime. That means they will slap you on both wrists apparently." Jay Leno
"President Bush was in New York City this afternoon. He was giving a speech imploring people to crack down on accounting fraud, lashing out and attacking accounting fraud. And I am thinking to myself, 'Hey wait a minute, isn't that how he got elected?'" David Letterman
"The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vice President Dick Cheney. They'll begin that investigation as soon as Congress finishes investigating the Security and Exchanges Commission." David Letterman
"Bush said we're going after white-collar criminals and I'm thinking 'Gee I wish the Catholic church would do that.'" David Letterman
"President Bush said today that he is ready to send corporate CEOs to prison and to the tough ones. You know, the ones that only have nine golf holes and not the full eighteen." Jay Leno
"The corporate scandals are getting bigger and bigger. In a speech on Wall Street, President Bush spoke out on corporate responsibility, and he warned executives not to cook the books. Afterwards, Martha Stewart said the correct term was to saute the books." Conan O'Brien
"Things are not looking good for Martha Stewart. Her stock was down 23 percent yesterday. Wow, that dropped quicker than Dick Cheney after a double-cheeseburger." Jay Leno
"First Enron, then Tyco and now WorldCom. How come all these companies are off billions in their accounting and nothing ever happens to them? If you bounce a $15 check at the Quickmart, the feds are at your door!" Jay Leno
"A grand jury is investigating the bankruptcy of K-Mart. Why? Is there any big mystery there? They sold a bunch of cheap crap and nobody bought it." Jay Leno
"You know, there was that controversial terrorist memo that never got to President George W. Bush. Well, they finally figured out what happened. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shredded them with some Enron documents." David Letterman
"Playboy magazine is now doing a 'Women of Enron' pictorial spread. ... Apparently the only thing these women have left to shred is their dignity." Jay Leno
"Playgirl magazine is planning a pictorial spread for the men of Enron. You thought they were hiding massive deficits before." Dennis Miller
"Playgirl magazine is now offering the men of Enron a chance to post nude. Coincidentally, the men of Enron will soon be getting the same offer from their cellmates." Conan O'Brien
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