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13 Quick Lawyer Jokes
Q. What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A. A tick falls off when you die.
Q. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A. Stick his bill up his ass.
Q. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer
in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q. What is black and brown and looks Good on a lawyer?
A. A doberman.
Q. Way are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. When launched, they
can not be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q. What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q. Did you hear that the post office just recalled their latest stamp?
A. They had pictures of lawyers on them---people couldn't figure out which
side to spit on.
Q. What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
A. Lipstick.
Q. What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A. Skeet. (for some it would be clay pigeons)
Q. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are
walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a $100
bill. Who gets it?
A. The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythical creatures.
Q. If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit
him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. It was so cold this winter------(how cold was it?)
A. It was so cold --- I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
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