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You Could Be a Cop if..
You might be a cop if:
1. You have the bladder capacity of 3 people.
2. You have ever restrained someone & it wasn't a sexual experience.
3. You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
4. Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
5. You request a criminal history check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
6. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
7. You can identify a negative "teeth to tattoo" ratio just by looking at a person.
8. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
9. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
10. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear & 75% of what you see
11. You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet around here".
12. You believe chocolate is a food group.
13. When someone calls you a prick, you take it as a compliment.
14. You have never had to put the phone on hold before you start laughing uncontrollably.
15. Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than a computer can track.
16. You plan what you're going to have for dinner while loading your sidearm.
17. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled, "Suicide ... getting it right the first time".
18. Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
19. You believe that caffeine should be available in IV form.
20. You believe that cells should be equipped with a Valium saltlick.
21. You're sure that anyone who says, "I only had 2 beers" will blow over 0.15
22. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
23. You are told to deliver a human jaw in a jar, and you find yourself talking to it there on the seat beside you.
24. You have trouble differentiating between council & client.
25. People shout, "I didn't do it" when you walk into a room & they think they are being hugely funny & original.
26. You believe strongly in involuntary sterilization.
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